Reasons & Identification Of Failures Is Marriage Counseling

An effective marriage counseling show changes in the spouses within 5 to 10 hours of sittings.  If you are in the same fighting mode even after 10 hours of marriage counseling then you can decide that the marriage counseling is not working. There can be two reasons why the marriage counseling is not working. 

 The tension in your marriage is beyond repair: By the time you took up the counseling section the tension might have been chronic, which makes it difficult to locate the origin of the discontent.  The origin of the discontent can be about any of the five core issues-money, kids, in-laws, sex and religion.  When the counseling begun at the initial stage it is easy to find out which one has created the discontent in the relation. But as time passes by you will start fighting over other issues that you forget what you actually fought about.  Sometime these are the reasons for the discord but the cardinal reason may be that you have behavioral disorder.  You do not adjust with anybody so it is not a surprise that you are unable to adjust with your spouse.

Another reason is that you might be a perfectionist who is never satisfied until everything around you s perfect.  So you bicker until the marriage, money, sex, kid are all put in its perfect place.  Sadly, in married life such people will probably be a failure because nothing is perfect in this world. So no matter how much they try to perfect the world around them they will never be satisfied.  The only type of people who can adjust with a perfectionist is a patient person who is unperturbed by the bickering and arguments that are part and parcel of life.

Another factor that can reach a point of irreparable damage is the two emotions of anger and hurt. The first emotion that comes to a person is not anger but hurt.  When a person is hurt because of the action of the spouse it is exposed in the form of anger.  When a person is angry it is difficult to pacify.  It is better to spot out the hurt as soon it is done, nip it in the bud itself. 

The counselor you are attending to is not qualified to handle the situation: The counseling profession is something which has not need of actual qualification.  It is up to you find out if the counselor you are visiting is a well reputed and an expert in this field.  You are playing with your life; there is only a small difference between divorce and a happy married life.  If you do not go to an authentic counselor then the marriage that could have been saved will be ruined.  An unauthorized counselor will not be able to handle stubborn who are ready to divorce and do not want to speak up. An experienced counselor knows how to handle different categories. 

Inexperience counselor can be the reason of the destruction of the marriage. There reason is they are:

Incompetent: They cannot make out if their treatment is actually working on the couples.  They keep on doing the same therapies for month until the couples give up.  An experienced council knows how to keep the talk going by keep the talk interesting for both parties. 

When marriage counseling is not working it does not means the process of mending the trouble in marriage should be put an end to.  You can always try new and better councilors, or take the advice of elders. Now a day there is the new concept of marriage education instead of therapy or counseling. You can try that too.