Can We Count On Counselling To Save A Marriage

Looking at the number of divorces and the people going for counseling, it is genuine to ask whether marriage counseling works.  Dealing with marriage problems can take a toll on all the activities the person is involved in.  At home there is a tensed situation with both of them not talking to each other.   

This stressful situation affects the children.  When they come home from school they see their parents fighting.  They will stop respecting both of you and they will gradually get into other friendship.  There is always a tense situation looming around the house with everybody in the house wondering when the next fight will erupt.  There is always a sense of insecurity in everybody’s mind. 

When so much of tension prevails in the house it is genuine to ask whether it is conducive to go for marriage counseling.  It is generally women who take the initiative to seek counseling first. They prefer to go to a place where they will not be blamed. Ultimately it is the women who are blamed for not saving the marriage. 

If women take the counseling of elders in the family or of church officials, they will always talk about the submission that a women need and the priority that is to be given to preserve marriage to protect the life of children.  Women want someone to listen to their vows and sympathies with them for their plight, this they cannot accept from anyone in the family or friends circle. 

So they prefer to go to professional counselors who will protect the identity of their customer and are good at communication.  When the couples come for counseling the counselor does not side with anyone. They have the training to keep the conversation going by satisfying both the parties. 

The aim of the counselor is not to find out who is wrong or who is right but to find out solution to make their family life happy.  Most of the spouses who attended counseling section claim that they have not gained much.  The couple who gain from it are the one’s who still have the passion for each other and are trying to save the marriage some how.  But for a spouse who has decided to divorce cannot benefit any much from the counselling.

And also those who say that their marriage is happy now after counseling, were happy in the initial year.  But because of some external factor like infidelity, financial crises or children’s care that caused a discord in them for some time.  They are able to overcome the crisis by counseling.    

Mostly men do not like to talk about their family matters to strangers.  When they are taken to marriage counselors they maintain silence as if they do not have much to say.  It takes really an experienced counselor to make the stubborn man to speak.  Men prefer to talk to their priest and elders who already have some opinion about them. 

Counseling section helps to improve many other aspect of life.  Children improve in their studies.  Counseling though helps in improving married life, is not the key to marital success.  During counseling some of the drawbacks of the spouses are pointed out.  This has helped in improvement of the personality. They are able to perform better in office also.

But to improve their married life both men and women like to be counseled by some one who has the expertise and training to dealt with marriage discords.  And also the person should be genuinely interested in helping the spouses to solve the problem.   

For any form of counseling to succeed there should be genuine interest from both the parties.  No one knows you two better than you two.  So the best way to rectify a crisis can be created by self help. You can take the advice of the counselor or read self help books and use the advice given in it and add your creativity to it.