You Start The Change First Then Convince Your Spouse To Save Marriage

You might be in a pretty bad situation now that your spouse has decided to leave. It is a painful situation and I have faced it myself.  Once Jais decided to leave me, he stayed separately and did not call me.  Then the communication was through his parents.  I decided to go to a counselor for advice. 

His father said that Jais will also come there. I was very happy.  When they came there they were not in a mood to listen to advices but to argue.  I was upset.  There was nothing more to do.  I prayed and waited.  After few days I called Jais, he said he was desperate to meet me. Immediately I went to meet him. From then everything went well. 

How to help your marriage by restraining yourself from argument: Once there is a discord in the relation even the smallest thing can give rise to a big fight.   For eg . There can be fights for leaving the dining table untidy to misplacing keys and spectacles.  If you are trying to encourage your spouse to take up counseling do not let an argument erupt. Accept what your spouse say and like the rage subside.       

How to fix marriage when only one person is interested: It is not an arithmetic equation where both sides should be balanced.  There are ways to save marriage even when only one spouse in interested.  You can meet a counselor take the advice and apply it slowly on you spouse.  I was asked to write letter to Jais where I pledged love for him as in our time of dating and also to express my feeling.  I wrote that I was dying to meet him. This had a tremendous effect on Jais.  I was pregnant at that time; he thought I had stopped loving him. The letters rekindled the old passion. 

Take professional help: When your marriage needs help take professional help and follow what they say: A professional counselor can listen to your part of the argument and propose ways to bring your spouse for counseling.  Sometimes we can make changes even without bringing the spouse for counseling. 

Give some time to think: The reason why the spouse is contemplating a divorce may be because of lack of sexual satisfaction, poor management of finance, interference of the in-laws, religious differences or about the management of kids.  Give you spouse time to think over the nagging issues.  Maybe after thinking for a while your spouse will take a positive decision.  Jais was always irritated with me.  He was always angry over the smallest things.   I talked it out with him and he said that I was not spending time with him.  I was spending more time in the kitchen.  So we decided to dine out more often so that we can spend more time together. 

Hurt results in Anger: Hurt is the first emotion that comes, anger comes as a result of being hurt.  We do not see the first emotion- hurt.  It is easier to solve a problem when a loved one is hurt rather than when the hurt has turned into anger. So it is important to understand the spouses’ emotions and try not hurting them.  If there are no hurts and angers your relation will improve and your spouse is in a good mood you can ask him to make changes in behavior also. 

Make a trip for a week for the just the two of you:  Most of the resentments in marriage occur because the Passion that brought them together is lost.  They lack the intimacy because marriage brings lots of responsibilities, commitments and duties.  It is totally different from the carefree days before marriage when you spend hours together counting stars, joking and speaking romantically. What ever you did, you did it together, there was intimacy and caring.  Remember those good old days and reinvent those wonderful days for both of you in some resorts or parks. 

It took just one to change the history of the world like Napoleon, Abraham Lincoln or Mahatma Gandhi. Family life is much simpler that this. You can change the course of your wrecking family and give it a wonderful new lease of life.