DO's and Don'ts For Successful Marriage

When my friend Mary got married we thought it was the most matchless marriage among our friends.  Mary was a successful Journalist who was expected to succeed in her career.  She is intelligent, smart and judicious in spending money.  She married John who was a salesman; he was an average sales man and a spendthrift.  But 10 years into their marriage they are leading a happy married life with two little boy and a beautiful house in an expensive locality.  

I wondered how their relationship worked.  The reason is Mary decided to submit to her husband, so that john is not overwhelmed by her professional success.  She took up a career only after the two children became independent and John asked her to resume her career so that so doesn’t ruin her future.  From her life she gives advice for a successful marriage. 

Do’s in marriage (How to save your marriage)

Submit to one another:  Both of you will be having your own opinion on everything.  While taking a crucial decision, discuss between yourselves, and think about what will be the consequence of this decision in the next five years. The discussion should end in an amicable decision.  The more serious the decision, the more time it takes .  Concede if it is necessary. It is not that the perception of you or your spouse is wrong.  You have different perception because of your upbringing, attitude and environment. 

Open your hearts to each other: (How do I save my marriage) Every day find time to spend together to talk about things other than work, and kids.  Be genuine, do not lie.  When you open your heart you become approachable, then the other person will also feel like opening his heart to you. 

You open your heart when you feel secure. You start loving the other person.  Elsie and Mathew decided to separate because of their conflict on sexual satisfaction. Mathew even slept with a whore in a bout of alcohol; he was dissatisfied because of Elsie’s reluctance for sexual intimacy.

After staying separately for a while, they realized that they decided to open their hearts to each other, so they can start loving each other.  Elsie decided to more active sexually and they started living again happily.

Budget your income: At the end of the day your income is not what you earn but what you save.  Income should be budgeted roughly into three:  1) monthly expenditure; 2) savings; 3) miscellaneous income.  When the nest is empty and you sit and reflect on the achievements, you should have something to proud of. Like 1. Well educated and well mannered children, 2 a beautiful house in a good locality and 3 enough money to live without depending on other.  When we budget for a month we should focus on the future.

Dividing household chores and Kids care:    The most contentious issue of all. Home making and child care is an art. Some have it, some don’t. Those who don’t have can learn it but it cannot match the naturally acquired talents.  In a family either the husband or the wife might have.  So the one who has the inborn talent should be in charge o the activities at home.  If both don’t have do the job to the best of your abilities.  There is no use poking fingers at one another, for being a poor home maker or for not taking responsibilities at home. I your spouse doesn’t take responsibility of home affair gradually teach them or you submit to your spouse and shoulder the whole responsibility. 

Find time for intimacy above anything else: (how to fix a troubled marriage)Be a wife first, mother second’ (Book MOTHERS TOUCH).  Same is true with men also.  Keep connected daily to one other through mail or through phone.  Before going to bed find some time discuss all the affairs of the day and spend some time for small talk.  Spend some time to yourself by going out on a date.  Children might feel inconvenient at first, but they will appreciate to see their parents loving each other.    

Don’ts in marriage

Make observations but do not accuse: There is no perfect human being.  Everybody has weakness.  Do not try to change each others basic character. You can make observations about the flaws in character, but do not blame them for having it. 

Do not belittle your spouse in public: (how to fix a broken marriage)It is hurting to be blamed by the spouse in public gatherings. When you criticize them in front of others they shrink and it can lead to marital discord. 

Don’t be possessive about your spouse: (how to fix your marriage) everybody needs space of their own.  One of the partners might want to grow in their career after marriage.  The result depends on the encouragement given by the spouse. 



advice for successful marriage